“Kau
strong gila kot. Macam mana kau boleh jadi strong macamni?”- Si Polan
Heh. Itulah apa
yang orang nampak. Realitinya? Guys, it was a many years of relationship as you guys
know. And I’ve tried leaving before. It just never went right. I’ll keep on
coming back to the same spot. Going through all the nonsense all over again.
Then how did I managed to get through this one? That’s what you guys are
wondering about, right? Menipu kalau kata taksedih. Denial level pembohong kalau
kata “gua chill je”. It hurts, A LOT! Trust me. But not a single tears I shed
this time around. Why? Yeah why, let’s talk about why now.
First, before making
the decision, I went back to the basic. To the one who created us. I asked guidance
from Allah. I’ve been changing my du’a from “Semoga dipercepatkan jodoh kami”
to “Kau lebih tahu apa terbaik untuk hambaMu. Gerakkan hatiku untuk menerima
apa kau takdirkan dengan redha”. Every prayers, every day, for months. Because I
was too afraid if the decision is wrong, I would suffer and regret later.
Then, the
miracle happens. I managed to walk off. Not just walking off, but with few
strength that I never had before. It was sad, definitely. But not a second that
I felt like crying. And deep inside, I rasa macam what’s with the need to cry? You’re
no longer in a commitment that kills your vibe and making you depressed. You’re
a free young woman and you should embrace it. I believe Allah granted my du’a
and puts them all in me.
Sometimes there’s
this little devil that made me see and relating things around me to the memories that we
had. How did I passed that one, though? My mind made it clear that “It’s okay. You
know you’re missing him. But there’s no official ties of knot between both of
you. He’s not even yours, not your husband. If he’s meant to be with you, Allah
will make the way for both of you to reconnect and be together. Somehow if he’s
not meant for you, be the sweetest pair and yet, there will always come one
time that everything would not work out and it would all turn out as a waste of
time. Do not hate, do not have expectations. But always let yourself to be open
for any possibilities like he is actually fated to be with you and vice versa.
All in all, I would
like to recall the main point: I seek for guidance of Allah. I changed my du’a.
Then everything came into places by its own. That’s how I moved on. One should
recite your du’a properly and make it clear of what you want. Oh and hey there’s
no point in hating the opposite gender after a fail relationship. Let’s just
look forward for a better, halal relationship that will work out. In Sha Allah.
Good luck for those who are trying to forget. I hope this helps.
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